


These Broken Souls

by mean_whale



Series: Of Monsters and Men [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bittersweet, Crying, Friendship, Hate Sex, Heartbreak, Kissing, Love/Hate, M/M, Men Crying, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Surprise Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 21:06:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15300030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mean_whale/pseuds/mean_whale
Summary: Iwaizumi broke up with Kageyama, who didn't really want him. Iwaizumi doesn't want to have anything to do with Oikawa, whose fault it all is. All he ever wanted was to be a normal teenager, not to have his first relationship end with such bitterness.





	These Broken Souls

**Author's Note:**

> This ties very much with the previous parts of the series, and doesn't work as a stand-alone.

Iwaizumi Hajime's life had turned into a real mess, and he still had trouble understanding why. One moment he had been happily in a relationship, the next his relationship was over and his best friend turned out to be a rapist. The two most significant relationships of his life had been filled with lies and deception, so what could life possibly have left to offer?

He felt bad for their volleyball team that was left wondering about the sudden conflict between him and Oikawa. At first, everyone was reluctant to intervene, but when the friction between them had been going on for a month, he was approached on the same day by both their coach and the ridiculous duo otherwise known as Makki and Mattsun – except this time they weren't being ridiculous; they were almost dead serious in the way they pulled him aside.

“Iwaizumi,” Hanamaki said without a hint of a joke, “you need to apologise to Oikawa.”

“Whatever he did, he doesn't deserve this,” Matsukawa agreed.

Iwaizumi had been on edge for weeks, and this outrageous suggestion that he and Oikawa's falling out was his fault finally offered him a reason to explode.

“Your assumption that I’m at fault is preposterous,” he said almost calmly.

“But when we asked him about it he just got teary-eyed and mumbled something about Iwa-chan,” Matsukawa said, making such an accurate impression of Oikawa's style of speaking that Iwaizumi felt like punching him.

“Of course he does!” he said, not as calmly anymore. “Of course he's going around blaming everyone but himself!”

“Jesus, Iwaizumi, calm down,” Hanamaki said.

It was too late to calm down. Iwaizumi’s blood was boiling.

“He is the only one responsible for his misery,” Iwaizumi yelled a bit too loudly. “And quite honestly he deserves it.”

“That's a bit harsh,” Hanamaki said.

Iwaizumi laughed almost madly.

“You have no idea what he's done,” Iwaizumi shouted. “If there's anyone who needs to apologise, it's him. Except he can't! Because there's no way to make it any better.”

Hanamaki shook his head in disbelief, but Matsukawa had crossed his arms and was looking at Iwaizumi thoughtfully.

“What did he do then?” Matsukawa asked.

Iwaizumi shook his head and chuckled darkly.

“You don't want to know,” he said. “I wish I never found out. No, I wish I had never met him in the first place.”

Iwaizumi didn't want to direct his anger at his friends, so he turned around and left. And that might have been the end, except after practise he was approached by their coach.

“You and Oikawa need to work out whatever is bothering the two of you,” he said. “I know he is a handful, but I'm sure you're mature enough to talk to him.”

As much as Iwaizumi wanted to argue, he didn't. How could he without telling why he didn't want to have anything to do with Oikawa? So, he nodded and followed Oikawa home. He wasn't sure if Oikawa noticed him, but he was glad that he didn't have to pretend to be friendly with him on the way there. He bitterly thought about all the times they had walked home together and laughed. All that had happened after Oikawa had assaulted Tobio. It was impossible to understand how Oikawa had hidden his guilt so well throughout the years.

He waited until Oikawa had gone inside before walking up to the door and ringing the doorbell.

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa exclaimed when he opened the door.

The way his face lit up made Iwaizumi feel bad. He didn't want to feel bad for a child rapist, but Oikawa had still been his best friend since childhood.

“Are you alone?” Iwaizumi asked instead of greeting the other boy in any way.

Oikawa nodded, and Iwaizumi pushed him aside to step in. Oikawa squealed and Iwaizumi wanted to push him down, but controlled his urges and instead took off his shoes. He didn't care what Oikawa thought, simply walked upstairs and to Oikawa's room. He stopped then, listened to how Oikawa closed the door carefully and dropped his school bag to the floor.

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa tried, but Iwaizumi didn't turn around to look at him.

Oikawa rounded Iwaizumi to get better into the room, and after some hesitation sat down on the edge of his bed. He looked at Iwaizumi warily. Iwaizumi looked back.

“Coach told me to talk to you,” he said. “He wants us to settle our differences.”

“Oh, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa exclaimed, and jumped off the bed.

“I hate you,” Iwaizumi said.

Oikawa froze, swallowed before slumping back down. His hands shook on his lap and he stared at the floor. He looked nothing like the usual easy-going boy Iwaizumi was used to seeing, and he found a conflict inside himself; he was pleased to see that Oikawa was just as down as he should be, but the part of him that still cared about Oikawa as his childhood friend, his best friend, was sad.

“You can't hate me,” Oikawa mumbled to the door.

“Sure I can,” Iwaizumi replied. “You disgust me.”

Oikawa flinched, and a part of Iwaizumi regretted saying it.

“Please, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whispered. “Don't hate me.”

“Why shouldn't I?” Iwaizumi asked.

He was expecting Oikawa to keep up his sad act – because that what it must have been – and was surprised when the boy lifted his head and looked at him with fire in his eyes.

“I love you, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said, voice desperate.

“That means nothing,” Iwaizumi replied.

Oikawa shot up from the bed and strode to him, their faces only a fraction apart, and Iwaizumi could feel his heart squeeze painfully.

“I've always loved you,” Oikawa said.

Before Iwaizumi could do or say anything, Oikawa brought their lips together. The kiss was soft and bittersweet in the way it made Iwaizumi's heart flutter. Oikawa's lips were velvety and careful, his kiss so filled with emotion that Iwaizumi's throat made a small sound, a quiet squeak that made his cheeks heat up under Oikawa's hands as he cupped Iwaizumi's face. Oikawa licked his way inside Iwaizumi's mouth, tongues brushing together too shyly considering the situation.

Then Oikawa pulled him along to the bed, and they fell and it must have been uncomfortable for Oikawa, but he merely wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi's neck and pulled him closer.

Iwaizumi bit Oikawa's lip, and the boy pulled away with a gasp. In a fraction of a second he was reaching out to Iwaizumi's lips again, lower lip red from the bite and a desperate look in his eyes.

“You look stupid,” Iwaizumi mumbled against his lips.

Oikawa sounded hurt, but didn't let go.

“Iwa-chan, take me,” Oikawa mumbled between kisses.

Iwaizumi suddenly remembered how frightened Tobio had been the first time he bottomed for him, and he thought about the day when the truth about his fears had been revealed. How he had been a pawn in Tobio’s plan to get back at Oikawa.

“Like you took him?” Iwaizumi growled.

Oikawa flinched and looked at him with wide eyes.

“Iwa-cha–.”

“Turn around,” Iwaizumi barked.

Oikawa must have been so surprised that he did what Iwaizumi had told him. He lay on his stomach, muscles tense, and Iwaizumi reached to his nightstand to get the lube he knew was there.

Oikawa tried to say something, but his words turned into a surprised sound when Iwaizumi pulled his sweatpants and underwear down, revealing the soft curve of his ass. Oikawa yelped when his cheeks were parted by rough hands and his twitching hole was exposed to the air.

It was quick, the creak of the lube bottle's cap, the fat pearls of the transparent liquid dropping onto Oikawa's quivering entrance, and Iwaizumi's finger pressing into the hot flesh, Oikawa’s puckered muscle tight around him. He didn't think he could get hard, but the heat of Oikawa's body surrounding his finger in addition to him not having touched himself in a while quickly woke up his libido. He pressed another finger inside Oikawa while fumbling to take off his own pants and free his erection.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said, voice turning to a whine when Iwaizumi pulled his fingers out.

It didn't last long, because Iwaizumi was already pressing the tip of his cock against Oikawa's entrance, hastily adding lube before entering, and Oikawa was moaning shamelessly, hips pressing back to Iwaizumi for more. It was tight, the lube making wet sounds as Iwaizumi pushed in and started moving his hips.

“More, Iwa-chan, more,” Oikawa panted.

He used his arms for leverage and pushed himself closer to Iwaizumi, until their hips met. Iwaizumi looked at the way Oikawa's ass cheeks were parted around him. He touched the firm flesh, kneading it while rolling into the heat, and he pushed Oikawa's shirt up his back, revealing how his muscles were tight as he pushed back to meet each thrust. Oikawa's skin was soft.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa moaned.

Iwaizumi slid his hands back down to Oikawa's ass and squeezed, and Oikawa mewled under his touch. Each movement was more frantic than the previous, each sound filling the room with more heat, and in some way Iwaizumi wasn't surprised when Oikawa came so soon, rubbing his cock against the bed while doing his best to keep Iwaizumi deep inside him. He tightened, and Iwaizumi slumped forward. He lay on top of Oikawa who was crying out his name, and fucked into him hard until he pulled out at the last second and released over Oikawa's round ass.

He was panting against Oikawa's neck before rolling to the side. He didn't want semen on his clothes. Oikawa stayed still, muscles having relaxed now that it was over. Iwaizumi tucked himself back in his pants and turned his back to Oikawa. He felt boneless, didn't want to move, but didn't want Oikawa to think that somehow everything was fine now. Nothing was fine, and now that the arousal had subsided, Iwaizumi didn't understand why he had done it. He had never wanted Oikawa – at least that's what he had told himself over the past weeks, months, years. He didn't understand why his anger had manifested as lust.

Oikawa moved. Iwaizumi remained still. He listened to his childhood friend get up from the bed and stumble towards the door. How disappointed would he be if Iwaizumi left while he washed himself?

Iwaizumi didn't leave. He wasn't a dick, and he knew that they needed to talk. Not that he wanted to. He wasn't sure what it was that he wanted exactly, but talking to Oikawa was not one of those things. He thought about the fact that he had lain in Oikawa’s bed before, but back then it hadn't been like this: awkward sexual tension that seemed to have come out of nowhere because he was too stubborn to admit that he might have wanted it, and hate that was constantly moulding into something less, which stirred his emotions to several directions.

He heard Oikawa return but remained quiet. Oikawa got dressed and stopped. It was pointless to be so stubborn, so Iwaizumi rolled over and sat up. He looked up to see Oikawa blushing.

“Iwa-chan, I'm sorry,” Oikawa said.

“Why are you apologising to me?” Iwaizumi sighed. “Dumbass.”

Oikawa smiled hesitantly before getting serious again.

“I know I'm a horrible person,” he said. “I know you hate me.”

“I don't hate you,” Iwaizumi mumbled. “I'm just angry.”

“Oh,” Oikawa replied quietly.

It was quiet. Iwaizumi didn't know who was supposed to talk next.

“How could you do that?” Iwaizumi asked desperately.

Oikawa looked genuinely upset, and that was good. He looked like it hurt him just as much as it had hurt Tobio.

“I don't know,” Oikawa replied. “I never understood it. I know there's no excuse.”

Iwaizumi shook his head tiredly. He had spent the past weeks hating Oikawa so intensely that he had burnt out.

“Do you have any idea how hard it was for Tobio to have sex with me?” Iwaizumi asked and Oikawa squeaked like the words had physically wounded him. “I didn't even realise it before he asked to bottom and he...”

“I know,” Oikawa whispered. “Do you think I don't think about it every day?”

Iwaizumi hadn't thought about that. He had been quick to assume that Oikawa didn't care or didn't understand, but he had no reason to think so. He knew that while Oikawa like joking around, he wasn't insensitive on purpose. Wouldn't it only be natural for it to extend to the worst thing he had done?

“Tell me about it,” Iwaizumi said.

Oikawa frowned with desperation.

“Look,” Iwaizumi said, trying to sound calm and reassuring. “I know it's none of my business, but I need to know so I can continue looking at you as a person.”

Oikawa looked to the floor. Iwaizumi pat the bed and Oikawa slowly shuffled over and sat down.

“What do you want to know, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asked.

“Why?” Iwaizumi asked.

Oikawa scratched his brow and sighed.

“You know how he kept pestering me,” Oikawa said with a small voice. “It was exasperating, and I hated him so much. And I... That day he was watching me and I lost it.”

Oikawa gasped for air and covered his face with his hands. They were shaking.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said. “Please don't make me say it. I can't say it out loud.”

Iwaizumi’s mouth was dry.

“You penetrated him, didn't you?” he asked, and his voice didn't sound right at all.

Oikawa peeked at him from behind his fingers, eyes wet.

“Did he tell you?” he asked.

Iwaizumi shook his head.

“I guessed,” he said.

Oikawa rubbed at his eyes before lowering his hands to his lap.

“After,” he said and swallowed. “I thought that I would feel better but I felt worse. He cried, Iwa-chan. He cried so hard, and I should have been his senior.”

Oikawa was crying, but didn't try to stop his tears.

“Iwa-chan,” he asked. “How is he doing? Did I ruin his life completely?”

Iwaizumi bit his lip. He didn't want to talk about his breakup. He hadn't told anyone about his relationship starting or ending.

“I don't know,” he said truthfully.

“You must have talked about it after he told you,” Oikawa said in desperation. “What did he tell you?”

Iwaizumi sighed.

“He told me what you just did,” he said.

“But you must know more,” Oikawa insisted. “Iwa-chan, you have seen how he's acted since you found out.”

“I haven't,” Iwaizumi said angrily, and Oikawa flinched. “I haven't seen him since then.”

“What?” Oikawa asked, his tears having dried on his cheeks. “Why?”

Iwaizumi stared ahead for a moment, contemplating his life as it now was. He had refused to talk to Oikawa, but he had also refused to think about Tobio and how he felt about it. He wasn't keen on digging through his feelings with Oikawa – or at all, if he was honest.

“We broke up,” he said anyway.

“What!” Oikawa exclaimed, forgetting about his tears. “Why? You were so happy with him.”

“Like you care,” Iwaizumi sniffed, but continued before Oikawa could retort. “He was using me to get back to you.”

Oikawa froze with his mouth still open. His cheeks were tear stained and eyes wide.

“I,” he said, blinking. “Iwa-chan, I'm so sorry.”

Iwaizumi looked down. His toes were curling against the floor.

“I know I said that,” Oikawa continued, “but I didn't think…”

“It doesn't matter,” Iwaizumi replied.

“Of course it matters!” Oikawa said. “I didn't really think he had it in him. I was just jealous.”

“I would have known if,” Iwaizumi started but then decided otherwise.

He couldn't blame Oikawa for his relationship failing. He could only blame Tobio, but it hurt too much. He hated how his eyes prickled.

“Oh, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said quietly and pulled Iwaizumi into a hug.

Iwaizumi squeezed his eyes shut and pretended that he wasn't crying. He pretended that the ugly sobs leaving his mouth were angry jabs at Oikawa for being such a stupid, stupid boy back when they were 14. But he couldn't pretend his pain away; it was wrapped around his heart and pressing down.

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said. “I'll always be your friend. If you'll still have me.”

“I want to hate you,” Iwaizumi sniffled. “Why can't I?”

Oikawa didn't respond to that. They didn't talk about Tobio again, and it was fine. Their friendship turned into something different, they got along, they fucked when Iwaizumi felt lonely, and it was fine. Iwaizumi still thought about Tobio, but as time went on, he turned into Kageyama, an underclassman Iwaizumi once had, and it was fine, he insisted, even though his heart ached. He still thought about what Oikawa had done once when they were 14, but quickly learned to push it out of his mind. He fucked Oikawa more regularly, but they hardly ever kissed, and when they realised they were going to different universities, they hugged sadly. That’s when he kissed Oikawa for the first time in months, and decided to not let it be their last kiss.

*

He should have seen it coming, but he had happily put the possibility out of his mind, thinking that he still had two years to go, still way over a year, a year left, maybe it wouldn’t even happen and so on. But, of course, it happened, like it was going to, and one day he walked into the gym to find Kageyama Tobio standing there.

At first it appeared that Kageyama didn't recognise him, but then those intense eyes turned to look, and Iwaizumi felt like Kageyama could see right into his soul. Iwaizumi swore under his breath. Maybe he should simply walk out and quit volleyball altogether. He would rather do that than face the person who had been his first boyfriend, his first true love, and the first person to use him so ruthlessly. Things would be awkward between them and everyone would know it. Iwaizumi regretted not sorting his emotions properly when he still could do it without having to face the cause of his pain.

When practise was over, Kageyama approached him slowly.

‘I- Iwaizumi-san,” Kageyama said carefully, and Iwaizumi's heart ached when he thought about how Kageyama used to call him Hajime. “It seems that you're my senpai again.”

“Yes,” Iwaizumi said.

He was kicking the floor with his toes. Kageyama looked nervous too.

“Do you want to,” Kageyama started to ask, but never completed the question.

Iwaizumi wanted to complete it for him, but he had no idea what Kageyama wanted. He had no idea what he himself wanted. He wanted to never have to see Kageyama again, but there was still the part of him that had refused to let go of everything that had happened before and wanted to reach out and take a hold of Kageyama’s hand.

“Can we talk?” Kageyama finally asked.

He wasn’t quite facing Iwaizumi, looking down to their shoes, and it was painfully similar to when Kageyama had approached him three years ago and confessed his feelings – even though the confession had turned out to be a lie. Iwaizumi would have to keep it in mind. Kageyama was a good liar.

“Fine,” he said.

He wished that his heart wasn’t beating so stubbornly hard.

They walked away from the other players, no one paying attention to the couple of young men with flushed cheeks and gazes directed at the floor. Iwaizumi could feel Kageyama next to him, and he thought back to the times when it had felt natural, had made his heart swell with happiness, and how he had always taken a hold of Kageyama’s hand, felt Kageyama’s long fingers on his skin.

Kageyama remained quiet, but there was no way Iwaizumi was going to make this easier on him. He could stand there all day if need be, but he was not going to make the first move.

Finally, Kageyama raised his head and looked at him. He wouldn’t meet the gaze, but he felt it on his face, felt how his cheeks were burning up, and his heart was beating so loudly he was almost certain that everyone could hear it echo in the empty hallway.

“I never had the chance to apologise,” Kageyama said. “So, I’m sorry.”

Iwaizumi grunted in response. He hadn’t expected an apology after all the time that had passed. Kageyama had explained the situation before leaving on the day when everything went to hell. He had understood that things hadn’t turned out how they were supposed to, but he had to keep reminding himself that Kageyama’s first intention had been to simply make Oikawa unhappy. He never played a role in Kageyama’s heart. He was a pawn to be used and discarded, and that’s what had happened.

“You’re only sorry because you fell for me,” he mumbled and frowned.

Seeing Kageyama for the first time in two years had been a shock, but he was now starting to remember how angry he had been, how angry he should be.

“No,” Kageyama said, voice insistent. “I’ve done a lot of thinking, and I’m really sorry that I intentionally used you to get my revenge, even though I should have realised how hurtful and disrespectful that was to you. I’m really sorry that I didn’t think any further and that because of my selfishness you got hurt.”

He hated how quickly his anger was dissolving. He wanted to look at Kageyama and be disgusted by what had happened, but when he raised his head he saw a different person standing before him. He remembered Kageyama when he had been only 12 and had come to Kitaichi, his soft childish cheeks and round eyes. He remembered Kageyama when he had been 15 and had confessed to him, how his cheeks had still had softness in them, how his gaze was gentle. And now, Kageyama was 18, some of his child-like features still lingering but only because he knew to look for them. Kageyama’s eyes were serious and at the bottom of them there was a sorrow that Iwaizumi hadn’t wanted to see.

“It was childish of me,” Kageyama added. “I’m really sorry.”

“I fucked Oikawa,” Iwaizumi blurted out.

Kageyama flinched, and the reaction to the words was immediate on his face. Iwaizumi watched how Kageyama’s eyes widened, brows shot up, and the boy took a step back. He wondered if Kageyama saw him standing with Oikawa.

“I hated it,” he said. “I hated him.”

Kageyama still didn’t say anything, but his surprise was slowly turning into a frown.

“I can’t believe I hate-fucked my best friend,” Iwaizumi continued and laughed joylessly. “But I couldn’t keep hating him. As much as it will always haunt me to know what he did to you, it’s so easy to forget when he never appears threatening.”

“I understand,” Kageyama said.

Iwaizumi doubted it.

“We still fuck sometimes when he’s between boyfriends,” he said.

Kageyama looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t. He was staring at Iwaizumi, and Iwaizumi was sure that Kageyama’s eyes were now glistening more than usual.

“But I,” he continued, “haven’t been dating since you. I can’t stop thinking about how happy I was, and how you then took it all away.”

Kageyama turned his head down again. Maybe it was good. Iwaizumi didn’t want to see him cry. He didn’t want to feel sorry. He only ever wanted to be a normal teen with normal relationships, so how had he ended up with a rapist as a best friend, a revenge relationship, and hate-fucking someone until his hate slowly died out.

“I never wanted this,” Kageyama said quietly, voice wobbling dangerously. “I wish I had kept my mouth shut and stayed with you.”

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi said and kicked the floor. “So do I.”

Kageyama lifted his head up. His eyes were teary as he looked at Iwaizumi. His lower lip was trembling softly, his lips were red and soft, and Iwaizumi remembered how good every kiss had been from the first to the last, and before he could think any further, he had taken a step forward, grabbed a hold of Kageyama’s cheeks, and brought their lips together into a rough kiss. Kageyama immediately pulled him closer, hand hot against his back, and Kageyama’s lips tasted salty with sweat, salty like the tears he had been so close to shedding.

“I hate you,” Iwaizumi rumbled against the kiss.

Kageyama’s hands dropped from his back, and the boy tried to step back, but Iwaizumi wouldn’t let him, took a step forward and pinned Kageyama against the wall, lips tasting the question he wouldn’t allow Kageyama to ask. He sucked on Kageyama’s lower lip, and Kageyama whimpered, hands slowly crawling up Iwaizumi’s hips and then stopping on his waist. Kageyama’s hold was much more insecure now, and Iwaizumi revelled on it, it was his one tiny victory over the boy who broke his heart that he never even began to try to mend.

“I want to hate you,” he said, a dry statement because his passion for trying to only hate Kageyama had withered away long ago. “I want to hate you so much, but I can’t.”

He slipped a tongue between Kageyama’s lips before he could respond, and Kageyama opened his mouth, met the swipes of his tongue with his own, and Iwaizumi thought about how nervous he always used to be, how his face was always burning when Kageyama was under his hands, when they kissed in his room and his heart was racing, homework forgotten before them.

Kageyama pushed him away, and this time he allowed it. He had gotten what he needed.

“Iwaizumi-san,” Kageyama said and took a deep breath before continuing. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I couldn’t. And I could never forgive myself for ruining everything.”

Iwaizumi stepped back. He thought that he knew where Kageyama was going with this, but he wasn’t sure he really wanted it. He wasn’t sure he could handle it all over again, especially if they would eventually end up breaking up. He didn’t think he could go through it again. Maybe it was time for him to finally move on, find a nice guy who didn’t remind him of Kageyama and fall in love.

“I miss the way you always looked at me with such love,” Kageyama said. “You made me feel so important every time when I was feeling down. Ever since you first became my senpai. You always looked after me.”

Iwaizumi had imagined that Kageyama would ask him out, and was now confused. Even though they had dated for quite a while, they hadn’t really talked about their feelings. Their time had ended before it was possible. Sometimes, when he lay in bed wide awake, he had imagined that Oikawa didn’t show up. They would have lain in bed, side by side, and he would have whispered it all to Kageyama, he had been prepared to lay his soul bare. And he tried to imagine how Kageyama would have reacted. Would he have been able to tell that the feelings between them hadn’t been real from the beginning? He wanted to think yes, but he knew that throughout the months they had been together he hadn’t suspected anything.

“I never told you how much you mean to me,” Kageyama continued, “even well before our relationship. I’m sorry I couldn’t do the same to you.”

Kageyama stepped forward, and Iwaizumi prepared for another kiss. Instead, Kageyama stepped aside and bowed down.

“I’m very sorry for everything I did to hurt you,” Kageyama said. “I hope we can continue playing in the same team.”

“What?” Iwaizumi let out before Kageyama had even properly finished talking.

The boy straightened his posture and looked at him, that familiar look of puzzlement in his eyes.

“I hope you can forgive me enough to be able to work with me during practise,” Kageyama said.

That moment was the one that made it clear to Iwaizumi how much he had wanted Kageyama to ask him out, to tell him how much he still meant to him, to ask him to give him another chance.

“That’s…” he said in disbelief. “That’s all?”

Kageyama blinked slowly.

“All what?” he asked, sounding exactly the same he had sounded when he was 12 and didn’t understand something.

“You didn’t,” Iwaizumi tried to pull his thoughts together, but they kept slipping away, the memory of his heart breaking now too fresh in his mind because it was happening again, and he snorted, tears prickling his eyes as he blinked rapidly to keep them away. “I thought that maybe…”

“I’m sorry I upset you,” Kageyama said, and he meant it, it was obvious.

“No,” Iwaizumi said and wiped his forehead, sank his fingers into his hair. “I just thought… Then why did you kiss me?”

Kageyama opened his mouth but it took a while before any sound came out.

“Because I miss you,” he said, voice timid, completely unfitting of his grown-up stance.

“Then why didn’t you ask me,” Iwaizumi said, still frantically trying to keep himself together. “Don’t you want to try again?”

“Oh,” Kageyama gasped and took a step back, making Iwaizumi’s heart sink. “I can’t possibly ask you for that. I know I ruined everything.”

“But what about me?” Iwaizumi asked, taking a step forward, his voice rising dangerously. “You’ll kiss me but you won’t take me back?”

“I didn’t think you’d want to,” Kageyama said.

“I thought so too,” Iwaizumi said and sniffled. “I thought so too, but I was wrong.”

Kageyama was staring at him, face mostly blank. Iwaizumi felt humiliated, tears having gathered to the corners of his eyes, and he wiped over them to stop them from sliding down when he blinked.

“I don’t want to hurt you again,” Kageyama said.

Iwaizumi had his arm over his eyes. He couldn’t look.

“Then don’t you dare walk away if you still feel for me,” Iwaizumi said.

He didn’t want to lower his arm, but he was starting to feel even more stupid. He wondered if he should turn around and run until he was alone, but then he felt a soft touch on his arm, and he let Kageyama pull it away.

“I won’t,” Kageyama said.

*

“Yes?”

“Iwa-chan!”

“Ugh, what now, Oikawa?”

“Long story short, I broke up with him.”

“Finally. Hearing you complain about him was getting old.”

“Well, you won’t have to hear about that again. Anyway, I was wondering if you’re free right now? I could really use a friend.”

“A friend to fuck, you mean.”

“Iwa-chan! Don’t be mean.”

“Well, Shittykawa, I can’t help you this time. I’m off the market.”

“What? When did that happen?”

“Hmm. Today.”

“I can’t believe you finally got over Tobio-chan.”

Iwaizumi turned to look at Tobio’s sleeping form, his nude body looking at home in Iwaizumi’s bed. He smiled fondly and reached out to ruffle his boyfriend’s sex-fluffed hair.

“I guess I did. I guess I did.”

**Author's Note:**

> Someone asked me if I would write part 2 to the series, and I said no. Some months later I did. Then someone asked me if I would write part 3 to the series, and I said absolutely not. Some years later I did. But this time the series is complete, and honestly this is a way better ending than the ending of part 2 was. Anyway, the moral of the story is that if you suggest I write a sequel, don't take my "no" as a finite answer.
> 
> I like the bittersweet feeling of this fic. I wrote this maybe a month ago and only edited today, which always helps me see things from a fresh point of view, and wow I didn't expect my heart to hurt like this.
> 
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> 
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> 
> Comments keep me going!


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